Wednesday, November 28, 2012

recipe for AIR (bad language alert!)

Put air in a pretend salad bowl and eat it with an invisible spoon. Makes 1 serving for someone who ate so FUCKING much in the past week that I am still waiting for some kind of gluttony summons.

Oh, did you want a real recipe? For water? No? Okay. My most recent iteration of Kale slaw, called "Dinosaur Slaw" was in the November FamilyFun and is on the Parents website here (plus, that is the aproned and purple-clad torso of the very lovely Abigail Shirley Newman, aka Birdy). This is so good, you won't believe it: the hot dressing wilts the kale a little (rub it around with your hands, if you can stand to, to wilt it more), and it's all I want to eat right now. Please note, though, that it's sherry vinegar--not sherry, cooking or otherwise (I say this because even the food stylist was confused at the photo shoot). In a pinch, white-wine vinegar is fine. Red would probably be fine too! Also, please note that you might have to sign in there, but it's free. Report back if there are problems.


In other news, we went with my parents to the Andy Warhol exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and it was completely fantastic. Pop art is so great for kids--there's so much to connect to, to be wowed by, to laugh at and wonder over. This Ellsworth Kelly installation, Spectrum VI, was not part of it--we just happened to walk past it--but boy was it right up my alley, like paint chips, but for a giant.

Ben and Birdy are in this picture! But you can't see them because they're camouflaged! 

Did you know that I collect color-sample charts? I do. I have, I think, six of them framed in the house. Some are old. One of them is tiny bags of beads and sequins in all different colors from the amazing Alabama Chanin.


Another is also from Alabama Chanin, and it's the cotton-jersey-swatch card:


Also (transition to this paragraph currently unavailable) I just finished Caitlin Moran's How to Be a Woman, and I loved it so much. She is like Tina Fey, as people say, but cruder in a way that wholly appeals to me. This is her on the "proper muff"she thinks every woman needs (yay!):

"A big, hairy minge. A lovely furry moof that looks – when she sits, naked – as if she has a marmoset sitting in her lap. A tame marmoset, that she can send off to pickpocket things, should she so need it – like that trained monkey in Raiders of the Lost Ark."

Oh I do love her. And this too, which I lifted from someone on facebook named "Crazy Dumbsaint of the Mind," who kindly gave me permission to put it here:

This is so brilliant and funny it kills me.
Some people here were surprised and angry with me around the election, but the thing is? I'm gentle and loving, I am, and I make a killer cream-cheese frosting and a beautiful holiday banner--but I'm also fierce and and pissed, and a total, unapologetic, old-school feminist with a marmoset in my lap. I know you know that, but it bears mentioning.

xo

48 comments:

  1. I am still swooning over your most recent essay in BrainChild and then you post a picture of Birdy with her pink monkey tucked down the front of her sweatshirt! Fantastic!

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    1. Anonymous11:54 AM

      True fans unite. I saw Strawberry there, and smiled.

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  2. Oh, how I loved How to Be a Woman. My favorite part was her writing how to tell if you're a feminist. "Put your hand in your underpants. Do you have a vagina? Do you want to be in charge of it? Then you are a feminist." Hell yes.

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  3. Erin K.6:49 PM

    I love your kids in front of the ellsworth kelly - and I love your fierce and and pissed, and a total, unapologetic, old-school feminist posts the most!

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  4. Have I mentioned that I love you more un-Disneyed?

    Also, I love your politics. And since I'm not going to be done feeling relieved/hopeful/slightly-smug about this election for quite a while, and I assume you aren't either, here is an article I think you'll enjoy:

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    1. The link didn't come through:

      http://www.theamericanconservative.com/articles/revenge-of-the-reality-based-community/

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  5. Here's another shout out for being un-Disneyed!

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  6. Allyson9:59 PM

    Speaking of Disney, what did they do to your archived columns over there? I went looking for some recipes, and was appalled to find they had edited out all your lovely commentary and pictures! Is there a way to get to that content, still? Or would you be willing/able to send me a document of your original posts, even without the pictures? I love your recipes, but it's the stories that really move me to cook a particular dish on a particular night. Plus, I'm very sad at the thought of not being able to read those beautiful columns again. Please help!

    Also, I'm totally with you on the political slant. I'm sure some people get all in a snit ("That's *not* why I come here!"), but it's your blog, and you shouldn't have to censor yourself to suit anyone. Rock on, my old-school, furry, feminist sister!

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    1. Allyson, I copied every single one when I heard Catherine was leaving, so let me know if there is one you are looking for and I can send it you as a .pdf They are slightly imperfect (the pictures and text are offset).

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    2. Allyson4:04 AM

      Thank you, Judy! I'll have to let you know. I kind of want all of them.

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    3. Anonymous3:02 AM

      I kind of (okay, really actually) want all of them too. Can we set this up?!? (:

      Kelda

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  7. I love you. That is all.

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  8. Ditto what the Larsons said. DANG.

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  9. Oh, this is the best. Just the best. Thank you.

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  10. Thank you, Caitlin Moran! (And Catherine Newman.) I might try to re-post the FaceBook diagram. Thanks for that, too. And this is the raw kale salad recipe I'm currently dreaming about and scheming for and eating all the time-- from a blog I think you helped me find? Have you made preserved lemons? They're addictively lemony and salty and yum. http://www.eatingfromthegroundup.com/2012/02/what-to-do-with-preserved-lemons/

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  11. I, as well, love you. And yay us (all of us) for being feminists. How hard is it to want to be treated equally, really? And I had just posted that diagram on my facebook about 2 hrs. before I got here just today. I got it from my very cool cousin Ben, who got it from his mother.

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  12. Can I tell you how much I love you!? I just read this whole post to my husband. Who is also, in fact, a flaming feminist. (:

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  13. Oh, you have me almost in tears here; both from laughing and from being so touched.
    I just was man-handled rudely at my first (and fucking last) mammogram ever, and the doctors there gave me a cancer scare on the spot. After the mammogram, they ushered me into the ultrasound room, worried looks on their faces, and ultrasounded the sh-- out of my poor breast.
    Turns out I'm fine, but for an hour there, I thought I had to kiss my three little kids goodbye.
    I'm saying all this to tell you how much I love your post about your unapologetic, old-school feminist with a marmoset in her lap. Somehow, knowing that there are such great women out there makes reliving my post-dramatic stressed mammogram experience so much easier!
    I adore you!

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  14. Oh Catherine Newman. I love you.

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  15. Weird: I just TODAY finished reading Caitlin's muff manifesto (the first book I have ever read on an e-reader). i ended up highlighting half the text. so true so true: the sad repercussions of hairless modern porn! stupidly expensive handbags! shoes built for fashion shoots and not actual um, walking! famous people who are famous for being their rotten selves! i want to sit on Caitlin's dog-hair-covered sofa and watch Doctor Who and curse the Patriarchy every time I fall off the sofa from laughing too hard.

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  16. Love you, Catherine!

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  17. Thank you. My fourth grade son was recently given grief for being in his school's Quilting Club, and my second grade daughter came home upset over other girls informing her she had "too much eyebrow." Between those events and watching Shut Up and Sing a few days ago, it's so good for my soul good to read this.

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    1. So good for my soul good? That's what I get for typing semi-angry whilst nursing the baby. :P

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  18. Terry8:12 AM

    I love that diagram. I've been trying to convince my boys (4&6) that there are no "boy" colors or "girl" colors...they're all just colors! They don't believe me, and I have to say my husband is not helping. Sigh.

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    1. My 3 year old son was on the soccer field in his pink shoes a month ago (he loves all bright colors) and there was a boy who was malfunctioning about the fact that he was wearing a "girl" color. He would not let it drop. I finally said to him, "Colors are for everyone. Do you really think that boys can't do everything that girls can do?" and to that, he had no answer, and his father was clearly malfunctioning about that comment too. I admit that I walked off a bit more smugly than I should have, but give it a rest, people! I'm sure the pink shoes will not make his penis fall off. Even if they did, vaginas are damn fine too.

      (And Catherine, this post read something like drunk dialing to me. In a good way.)

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  19. I FUCKING LOVE YOU, CATHERINE NEWMAN!

    (sorry but that just had to be yelled.)

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  20. And this is, once again, why I love you.

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  21. P.S. Have you seen the color punch out dot calendar thing from the MOMA store? I saw it last night online and gasped out loud...it will be mine. I plan to hang it by our kitchen table. I think it would be right up your alley as well.

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  22. As someone who doesn't often get to be with A. her best friends B. her mom these posts feel really wonderful to me! I can almost hear the chorus of women's beautiful laughter. I miss those tell-all, no holds barred, hilarious moments. As someone who gets to live in a lovely liberal bubble about 10.5 months out of the year, I sometimes get upset by relatives, like my in-laws, because I tend to assume that everyone who has a brain must be at least mildly feminist, love and respect all types of people, and enjoy things like modern art. Did I mention my hubby and I don't have a TV? Anyway, thanks for being the type of mom I'd like to be (we're starting to think about kids), a woman who makes me think and laugh, and a cook I'd love to dine with!

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  23. Thank you, Catherine, for letting us know the state of your muff.

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  24. In terms of what makes good writing that I love to read and empathize with and learn from (and come back regularly for here) nothing beats an authentic, honest, complex and funny observation/opinion! How's that for a convoluted sentence? Thank you for weathering whatever criticism may come with that!

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  25. I've been reading whatever you've been writing since I first found your essay in It's A Boy back in 2006 when I was pregnant with my little boy. Just wanted to pop in and say thanks for all that you've written over the years. And also, hooray for old school feminists! (From someone who was once practically drummed out of the very postmodernist Ohio State Women's Studies master's program for being too much of a "70s feminist"!)

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  26. Anonymous4:03 PM

    XO to you too Catherine Newman!!!

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  27. Anonymous4:59 PM

    I'm just saying hi. I've have been thinking of you and your family- you have not been thinking of us, because we've never met! But I have a 3.5 year old boy and a 7 month old baby girl and love to read old articles about you and YOUR babies. And I've been wondering what life is like with those great big kids of yours who, when you look back in five years, will seem like such little kids! Anyway, may your holiday season be filled with family, friends, wine, and food.

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  28. Anonymous6:04 PM

    You are one unique and bizarre chic (actually, this is very complimentary). Love reading your blog (started sometime this year). It reminds me of the seventies somehow (especially the last post with all the games) which I always think of as simpler, more innocent, times (yeah, I had ¨sea monkies¨, did macramé and made pot-holders, had a pet rock and thought that my cat and dog could talk at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve- even stayed up for that one,encouraging them ... alas, nothing). Thank you for your posts!

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  29. Dear Catherine,

    I love you SOOOO very much. Please keep being you!!!

    Debbie K.

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  30. I love this blog - it always makes me laugh and gives me comfort on crazy stressful days - and those who comment make me wish we all lived in our own little subdivision together. I have followed you since babycenter days. I have almost all of your game recommendations either purchased or on my Amazon wish list; we've not been disappointed with any recommendation yet! And my husband and I are hooked on the vinegar fried eggs you posted a few months back - yum. You are the reason we come back - I can't wait to download the book you mentioned here!

    Amy M

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  31. Amy H4:56 PM

    I love your blog. Also loved How To Be A Woman! I haven't laughed like that while reading a book in a long, long time.

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  32. <3 you. And I also loved How to be a Woman. Rock on.

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  33. Catherine, you always make me smile! I can't wait to read that book you recommended- sounds hilarious. I am #48 on my library's waiting list! xoxo

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  34. And that is why I love you so: you are so sweet and funny, but also fierce and crude sometimes, when it is the right time. I just finished that book, too, and loved it!

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  35. Anonymous2:33 AM

    So, um, is there any chance for the kale recipe *without* having to go through Parents mag? I understand if not but I just can't bear signing up for another thing that will send me stuff I don't want- particularly since they asked for my actual snail mail address. The horror!

    And echoing all the love coming your way from commenters above, for pretty much every sentence you've ever written. And I had vinegar eggs for lunch today too....it's kind of like having salt and vinegar potato chips for lunch, but healthy and filling, if that makes sense.

    Thank you for everything you do!

    -Kelda

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  36. Recently read Moran's book and loved it as well. I really appreciated her balance of humor, raunch and serious feminist discussion. In fact I will be giving it as a holiday gift this year.

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  37. Thank you, I instantly bought the book at your suggestion. Glad to have something funny to read this week.

    Keep speaking up. I've always loved your writing, and am grateful for the honesty. First discovered you in The Bitch in the House so Ive never been surprised by your (delightful) politics!

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