Against the Apocalypse (+ macaroni and cheese)

Well. I am totally heartbroken. I imagine you are too. It’s hard to find the strength and light, although there is so much of both, of course. But, then, Birdy. Birdy who has had a fever since Friday, wept in our arms yesterday, she raged and grieved, and then got up, dried her tears, and filled out an application to be a volunteer conversation partner for people in our town who are learning English. Humbled and inspired, I thought about changing out of my pajamas. I wasn’t actually able to accomplish that— changing out of my pajamas yesterday. But today I will

Because, among other things, Thursday is my lunch shift at the survival center here. If you aren’t volunteering any of your time, I cannot recommend it enough as an antidote to despair. I’ve been serving lunch once a week for four years, and it is one of the best parts of my life. Also, people actually flirt with me there, which is refreshing. Plus, I get to be reminded of the precariousness of our lives, our circumstances. Service is the road to happiness, I swear to you.

Relatedly, we can support the most vulnerable people in our communities, either in established ways—volunteering with organizations that serve youth and queers and the poor and the elderly and other people in need who need our time; involving ourselves in local politics and issues; donating money to local causes we believe in—or in creative ones. My friend Kate Schatz posted a photograph of a bouquet of flowers yesterday, and wrote this: “We just brought this to the Islamic Center of Alameda, across the street from our daughter's school, and we're doing the same in Oakland. The card expresses love and support and solidarity, and pledged that, as white parents, we will always teach our daughter to stand up for her friends and to love and respect people of all colors and faiths. I urge everyone to do something similar in their communities today--find a way to show love and solidarity to the communities who are most vulnerable right now. Black and brown children are afraid of being hurt, being deported. What can you do to show them you'll protect them?” I am so inspired by her. I am thinking of making a similar gesture towards the Black Student Union, Asian Student Union, Latinx Student Union, and Gender Sexuality Diversity committee at my kids' school. I want to say, "I honor your rage. I've got your back."

Brown people, black people, immigrants, Muslim people, our LGBTQs, indigenous people, we are circling the wagons. We are going to make sure that respect and compassion and kindness and courage guide all our actions, our interactions. We are going to remind our children to do the right thing. We are going to go to bed every night with integrity in our hearts. Right? If you live in a Trump town or a border town or a place where you feel isolated or afraid, we are sending you the extra courage you need to do this precious work. We are circling the wagons.

Let me also remind you that the 2018 midterm elections are not far off. A third of the senate will change hands. Let’s make sure we’re working to elect our democrats.

And can we look at the bright spots? Hillary Clinton won the popular vote. That means that, yes, less than half of the voting population supported Trump. California’s Kamala Harris became the second black woman ever elected to the senate. In Minnesota, Ilhan Omar won a state House race to become the first-ever Somali-American legislator. In her hijab. In a place where Trump had been spewing his usual xenophobic bullshit. Maggie Hassan, a champion of the earth and reproductive rights, won in a close race in New Hampshire, where Birdy and I canvassed [shrugs modestly].

Hey, the people in England feel less Brexit shame now that we elected a xenophobic billionaire reality TV star for president! So there’s that bitter little silver lining.

We’re going to stretch financially—to continue our global efforts by donating to Partners in Health, like we always have, but also to redouble our efforts to support our most important domestic institutions. Planned Parenthood. Public Radio. The National Immigration Law Center. Jezebel posted “A List of Pro-Women, Pro-Immigrant,Pro-Earth, Anti-Bigotry Organizations That Need Your Support” here, and it’s useful and inspiring both.

We are trying to smile and make eye contact with strangers. We are trying to find compassion for the disenfranchised citizens who expressed their despair by voting for bigotry, misogyny, and xenophobia. (Not super-successful so far, given that we’re kind of torn between Love Trumps Hate and burn everything the fuck down.)

I wrote and sent a thank-you note to Hillary Clinton, and it made me feel better. I really recommend it. Write one to her, or to Barack or Michelle Obama, to whomever is inspiring you now, whose work you believe in, whose leadership you’re grateful for. Encourage your kids to do the same. And while you’re at it, send five emails to friends and colleagues you’re thankful for. Tell people you love that you love them, and why. {Edited to add: my friend Katie's organization offers free gratitude themed ecards here, if you need a little more encouragement to write one. . . }

Finally, if you need to, remind your kids that the constitution is the revered foundation of American politics, and people don’t just get to enact all their craziest ideas into law. I have been comforted by hearing the comforting things that Michael and I have been saying to the children.

Listen to music, make art, cuddle your pets, and cook up a pan of homemade macaroni and cheese, because you deserve a little comfort.

Macaroni and Cheese

This is my favorite macaroni and cheese, and it’s adapted from the Cook’s Illustrated The Best Recipe cookbook. I love it because it makes mac and cheese that’s like the Stouffer’s kind—just shy of too unctuous, too tangy, too cheesy. I don’t top it with buttered bread crumbs, like the recipe recommends, because then it’s not like the Stouffer’s one, which just has the browning cheese. Yum. (But you could.)

I have to note: my mother makes a fantastic and more refined macaroni and cheese that is Birdy’s favorite thing to eat in the entire world.

2 eggs

1 (12-ounce) can evaporated milk

½ teaspoon Frank’s or a similar red-hot sauce

1 teaspoon kosher salt (or half as much table salt)

1 teaspoon dry mustard dissolved in 1 teaspoon water (I sometimes skip this)

¾ pound (1 ½ boxes) elbow macaroni

4 tablespoons butter

1 pound grated cheese: I use half sharp cheddar and half cubed/diced American or Velveeta. (The original recipe calls for 12 ounces, but only ½ pound of macaroni, so. . . )

1. Beat the eggs, ½ of the evaporated milk, the pepper sauce, the salt, and the mustard in a small bowl.

2. Cook the macaroni in salted water until it’s just tender. Drain it and return it to the pan over low heat. Add the butter and toss to melt.

3. Pour the egg mixture over the macaroni along with ¾ of the cheese and stir until the cheese is starting to melt. Gradually add the rest of the milk and cheese, stirring constantly, until the mixture is hot and creamy, about 5 minutes.

4. Pour it into a greased broiler-safe dish and broil until the top is as browned as you like it.