Cheater Smoked Trout

There are some recipes I don’t think to share here, and this is one of them. I mean, it’s kind of peculiar—a recipe to satisfy the craving for smoked fish when there is no smoked fish in the house and the craver is usually too cheap to buy it anyway. But then, if I’m like that, isn’t it likely that some of you are too? That really, if you could, you would be eating passed hors d’oeuvres for every meal? Little wonderful things, little smoked this and that spread on a cracker, a savory filled little something, a delightful fried little something else? Do you know what I’m saying? That’s what I crave. Party food. Holiday food.

The rosemary lover.

And yes, it is a holiday! And no, this recipe is not strictly kosher for Passover, unless you source everything accordingly and feel okay about fish and dairy together. (When I Googled it, I came upon this little tidbit, which is too precious not to share: “May we remind you, banana chips require kosher supervision for year round use as they are sometimes fried in the same oil as unkosher cheese. They are not recommended for Passover use.” Yes, you may remind me, but that is kind of a lot to imagine, what with the supervision and the fried cheese a) That said, the fake smoked trout is delicious with matzo, gefilte fish though it is not.

Dude, where's the *trout*?

This recipe is totally a pull-it-out-of-the-pantry cheat, as well as totally delicious, and you will easily be able to imagine that what you are eating is smoked fish. You do need the liquid smoke, though! I’m sorry if that seems gross to you, but smoked paprika or chipotles won’t quite get the job done here, although they make something that is also good, just not quite hitting the same notes. Oh, also, if what you are actually craving is something more like *whitefish salad,* then you can stir in some finely chopped celery and onions here, and you will get a lovely approximation.

Pesach sameach. And lay off those treyf-ass banana chips!

Cheater Smoked Trout Mousse
Makes an amount that's just right, but easily doubled if you need twice that amount.

1 (5-ounce) can oil-packed tuna (I like the Italian brand Genoa, which I buy at the supermarket)

A big blob of cream cheese, whipped or regular (this is probably about 2 ounces)

1 tablespoon prepared horseradish, drained (scoop it up with a fork and press it to the side of the jar   to get the liquid out of it) (Also, this is optional; I use it because it's in my dad's smoked trout mousse,  which is what I'm trying to approximate here.)

½ teaspoon liquid smoke

The juice of half a lemon

A big pinch of salt

Crackers, matzo, or celery sticks for serving

Drain the tuna, then put everything in a food processor and whiz until smooth and fluffy and blended. Taste to correct the seasonings—it might need more salt or more liquid smoke—then scoop into a bowl and serve. Garnish with celery leaves because you’re too cheap to buy a whole bunch of herbs, and rosemary is not going to cut it here.